Me

Hello everybody. This is kind of horribly difficult for me. Not sure why. I’ve already told a good number of people who will read this. I have recently been berated for revealing my atheism to someone, so what the hell? Prune the rest of the tree while I’m at it.

If you decide to hate me based on learning more about me, what does that say about you?

If you’re gonna hate me for being myself, kindly fuck off.

Now, my parents are some of the best people in the world. I have, however, been terrified to tell them. It’s not really a big deal in my family, but I feel like I can’t really be myself until everyone knows. So, here goes:

I am bisexual. I like both guys and gals.

Some things to know:

  1. My attraction to both genders works just like straight or gay people’s attractions to each other. I am not attracted to everyone, nor am I some slut who wants to bang the world. I am attracted to different people for different reasons.
  2. I am not coming out as bi because I am scared to say I’m gay. I’m not gay. My family is the most accepting group of people ever. If I was gay, I’d say. If I was gay it would be easier to explain. A lot of people don’t understand bisexuality.
  3. I have known since I was 15 that I wasn’t straight. But it was confusing for a long time. I wasn’t sure until I turned 20 that I was bi. I definitely like girls and I definitely like guys.
  4. You don’t have to approve of me, but that won’t change who I am.
  5. Me being with a girl doesn’t make me straight.
  6. Me being with a guy doesn’t make me gay.
  7. Bisexuality doesn’t just vanish when you choose to be with someone.
  8. How do I know? Uh, idk, how’d you know you were straight? That’s what I thought.

I am still me. Still Lucas. The same person I was before I you read this. If you think this changes who I am, you’re wrong. If it changes you’re perception of me, that’s silly. I am quite literally no different than I was before, except I’m being more open about myself.

Bonjour Encore

Hello again! It’s time for more about me. Yey.

This time it’s on a subject many people may disagree with me on. Religion. So let’s jump right in!

First off, I am an Atheist. I do not believe in any deities. Nor Heaven and Hell. This does not mean I have no morals as so many theists claim. I can understand when something is not ideal, and therefore find it wrong or reprehensible.

Now, this issue was going to be about something else, but I recently came under fire by a family member for posting the following to Facebook:

A very close and religious relative of mine took this as an attack on their faith. As a personal attack on them, even!

They proceeded to insult, ridicule, and shun me. Called me names, and unfriended me on the social network.

The text of their reply:

So your sick of it. Really well let me give you a reality check. First of all the bible would call you a fool & secondly You wouldn’t be here if it wasn’tfoe God!!!! Youwouldn’t be in California if it wasn’t for God! EVERYTHING I PUT IN TO BRINGING YOU BOTH OUT HERE WAS BECAUSE GOD ASked me to! I put Everything I had into doing that BECAUSE GOD ASKED.ME TOO! & I DO MEAN EVERYTHING I HAD!!!! I had other plans for every penny I put into you both I would have bought a house instead. So your sick & tired of.what I have to say about God huh that’s fine with me FOOL I’M DONE.

This person is my parents age, upward of 50. And the second they see anything that could be remotely skewed as an attack on faith, they turned into the type of person they claim to protest.

Claiming to be all loving and kindhearted, and then turning around the second someone disagrees with you to bear your fangs? That does not seem very Christian to me.

I was very close to this person, spent almost every day of the past 7 months with them. I’ve even gone to church with them. And this is what they really think of me.

Well, normally I’d say I’m hurt. Sad even. But I don’t need this kind of person effecting my mood or my life.

I do not think my saying everyone has the right to their own beliefs was an attack on them or their religion, it certainly wasn’t meant in that way. If that is what they choose to believe though, fine. Au revoir.


 

If you sat through that depressing tale, please go fetch a cookie. Maybe 2 or 3 actually. You’ll have to get them though, I don’t have any. You absolutely deserve some though.

New Hello Again every Monday, so keep your eyes peeled. This week was a special double edition.

Hello Again

Hi people! This time around we’re tackling anxiety and what may or may not be an autism spectrum disorder. Let’s dig in.

These blog posts are my attempt at being more social, outside of my circle of internet friends. There are very few people I talk to, and they all reside on the interwebs. I have real friends, but they are all either in school or live 1000s of miles away now.

I shut myself into this shell of quiet to hide from people. Even people who do know me know I hate talking, or being open. It’s not easy. Asking a simple question of somebody causes me a lot of anxiety, it can take days for me to ask people things.

I decided I’ve had enough of this ridiculousness. I’m not necessarily powering through it, as some people seem to think is possible. It doesn’t get any easier. It’s horrible to be scared to order a fucking coffee at Starbucks. I am trying my hardest to do these everyday things though. I am trying to be a person instead of the quiet introvert I have become.

People can be harsh and terrible creatures. Hating someone else for how they look, or who they love. It’s sickening to me. You should like or dislike people based on their actions, not who they go home to.

My fear of speaking to people stems from this hatred they are able to produce. Knowing people don’t like me is a terrifying thought, and I’m not quite sure why. It will happen through life, but the thought of it destroys me inside. It sounds a bit self centered, and of course it is. I am me, who else would I be centered around?

The worst part of the anxiety side of things is the physical manifestations it brings on: chest pains, shortness of breath, uncontrollable crying, shaking, and a plenitude of other goodies. Each panic attack brings different cards to the table. I usually just stop talking to people and recede into my thoughts when they come about, but becoming a zombie when people talk to you isn’t attractive I guess.

I also think. Constantly. I know this sounds weird, but it’s incredibly annoying. Never having a clear head, always thinking of something, forever. This is the reason I tend to blow my eardrums out with music. The lyrics help drown out my own thoughts, which strangely helps me focus on tasks.

So, here I am. My name is Lucas. If you talk to me I may burst into tears, but hey, don’t hate me for it.

Thanks for reading. If you read the whole thing, go get a cookie. I don’t have any, but you deserve one.

Googout

Had fun chatting with friends in a Google Hangout today. I’ll probably join in a gain later.

The GMC Demake a Classic JAM is staring in a few hours. I’mma get in on that.

Blasting 4 non Blondes right now. Mmmmusic!

Hello Again!

Hi! If you’re reading this here blog post, then you probably know me by my internet persona of Lukan Spellweaver. Programming wizard mediocaire!

Well, that’s all fine and dandy, but as I’m about to get into all this bloggin’ and what not, I thought you may want to get to know me, Lucas. The man behind the magic.

My name, as said above, is Lucas, Lucas Smith. I am a 21 year old game developer seated in my bedroom in the apartment me and my father have in California. (Yeah, still mooching of the parents…) I like Zelda, Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream, and cold weather. I could stay inside all day and listen to music while reading, but I don’t often get to do that.

We (me and dad) Just recently (7 months ago) got moved out to California by my dad’s long lost cousin, Carol. She’s a sweetheart. Hadn’t seen dad in over 20 years, and dragged us across the country to be close to her and her brother, Steve. We were living in Florida! We drove almost 3000 miles just to move out here.

We are now closer to Carol than ever. We live in the apartment just across from her! Our balconies are like two yards away from each other. I talk to her out there a lot.

I have been interested in video games for most of my life. My earliest memories contain video games! A Taz game on the Genesis. Ugh, never could beat that game.

One day in my mid-teens, I decided to Google how to make games. I ended up starting something that would change my life, forever.

This thing I started was amazing. It has connected me to so many amazing people from all around the world! From Croatia to Australia! Canada to right here in California! So many people who have enriched and bettered my life. I have learned a lot from them, and they are amazing friends.

This thing, by the way, is the one major thing we all have in common. Making Games. Well, mostly. Some of them haven’t made any games in a while, they just stick around to chat with people.

This one simple thing I Googled when I was 15 has made me who I am today. I am the wizard who makes games.

If you sat through this horrid trek through my thoughts, go get a cookie for yourself. I don’t have any, but you deserve one.

Hello Agains will be posted every Monday on the Blog, they may show up in video form too.

Really, thanks for reading though. It means a lot. Stick around for more blogs, and perhaps a vlog or two!

Homestead Work – Tutorials and Turnips

Wowza, I’m a postin’ machine today. But this time I’m here to talk about Homestead. My partner, Ninety, says I should be more vocal about the project, so I intend to keep a proper log of it’s development. That starts with the backlogging of development.

The game started as a very simple idea that I had for the GMCWHAM, or Warm Up Jam at the time.

I wanted to capture the feeling of Harvest Moon in an indie game, made in a week. It was an insane idea, but I tried my hardest. In that week I wound up with the basics of what could be an amazing game. I had the beginnings of something that would eat more of my time than any other game I’ve ever made!

Homestead began development in October of 2014, almost a year ago now! It looked like vomit and played like horse shit at the time.

The controls were invented by Satan himself. Lots of finger shifting around the keyboard. No idea what I was thinking…

After the jam I kept up with development, to correct bugs and fix the controls as best I could. At the time I was using GameMaker through WINE on an Ubuntu machine… Bad idea.

The game grabbed a fellow developer’s attention. He was fairly good at pixel art, and that is when the game got all new art!

Now I had art that looked like things! It was no longer a toddler’s poor attempts at making pretty pictures. It looked really good!

After being contacted by Kepons, the artist, I was contacted by another amazing fellow on the GMC. Ninety. The most amazing person ever. He saved the game! Not only did he agree to do an entirely original soundtrack for the game while he is also doing Uni(College) stuff, he ended up taking over as Artist when Kepons no longer felt he could art the game. He has produced music like this:[soundcloud url=”https://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/209311346″ params=”auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false&visual=true” width=”100%” height=”450″ iframe=”true” /]

But he showed me art samples like this:

The game has come together well, and more stuff is being added all of the time. If you’d like to keep up with current events with the game, you can check out the Homestead Release Notes. It gets updated with all kinds of info all the time.

You can download the Alpha Demo here as well!

If you read this all the way through, go get yourself a cookie. I don’t have any, but you deserve one.

Thanks for reading, I plan on posting more about Homestead in the future, so keep an eye out.

Indie Beacon – Defibrillator Edition! – September 11th of 2015

indiebeaconheader

 

Is now

Indie Beacon Logo

Yay revival!

So, this issue isn’t focusing on games and software. It’s more about upcoming events in the indie community.

1.GMC Demake Jam

Choose one of your favourite GMC JAM games, and demake it in the style of an old console or arcade game.

Time – September 12 th- 14th. (This Weekend!)

2. GMCWHAM #3

I’m bringing the WHAM back! Every 3 months, same month as the GMC JAMs. The new site is still under construction, but you can register to save your usernames. It will be used as free hosting of WHAM games.

The Wham is a week to prepare for the GMCJAM.  It’s running the week of October 5th this time around.

3. GMCJAM 20!?!?!(No topic yet! :( )

The glorious GMCJAM is 5  years old soon! I don’t have any info on the next one, except the it’s next month! Probably the last full weekend of the month.

4.The 3D Jam by Xor (Discussion | GameJolt Jams Page)

Make 3D games with GameMaker! Show the world your skills in this Jam hosted by Xor of the GMC.

This is the first 3D Jam. It is a jam where GameMaker users get together to make 3D games that match the theme (Exponential) ~Xor


Comment below if you want me to add an event! And look forward to new Indies Beacons every other Friday!

#IndieBeacon @ihugdaleks on Twitter to send me exceptional software made in the indie community for review.

Or comment below with links to software you’d like to see in the next issue!

Thanks for reading, go get a cookie. I don’t have any, but you deserve one.

Homestead Development Pause

My main project, Homestead, was put on the shelf originally for the duration of my move. My father and I moved to California from Florida. To those outside the U.S., that’s almost 3000 miles across the entire country.

The move was a bit harrowing on all of us, as my cousin came down to drive us to Cali.  After we got settled I did do a small amount of work on the game, however I haven’t had the free time I require to continue development at this time.

I am devoted to releasing the game though, so don’t think it’s getting permashelved, like some of my other work. I will absolutely finish this game!

I don’t know when I’ll get the time, but soon I hope.

Thanks for reading, it means a lot to me. -Lucas Smith

New domain and a few site changes!

I was finally able to purchase my glorious domain name! Chances are you are now reading this at blog.spellweavergames.com! With this new domain, a few changes are going to be happening to the site overall.

First, I will be making the home page more of a homepage instead of just a twitter feed. You may know that I tend to be better with xhtml and I’m not so skilled with html5, but I am learning!

Second, I’m going to make the games page, now at games.spellweavergames.com, look better. It’s hideous right now I know.

The third change is already in effect. You can log on to the blog with your WordPress account now, instead of making a new one just for the site!

 

There will be a few smaller changes made over time, but these seemed like the big ones. Thanks for reading and have a nice [insert time of day]!